we're chasing vodka with high fives
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
