i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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