I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
