When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
