omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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