Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
