So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
