Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You were trust falling into bushes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
