i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
