I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
