New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
