THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
