We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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