great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
