I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
