dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
