Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize