we made out on top of his cat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
