Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
