tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
