sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
