Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
