so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
