Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's always time for handjobs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
