Please don't use social media to get back at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
