JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
