It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
