It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I die, sorry about rent.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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