Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
