M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
