I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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