He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
