i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
