You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
