i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
