Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
