thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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