Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
