Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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