I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
