u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
