I puked a lego.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
