some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
