my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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