I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
