You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
