I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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