my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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