i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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