Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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