He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
