I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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