from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
