he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize