I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
