I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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