i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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