i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
