I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
