I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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