Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
