i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize