haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
