i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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