He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
