This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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